These little shoes

Dear Macey, 

It's that time of year when we try to get at least a couple of pictures with all of us together. With Rachel in Tampa and your brothers in college as well, it isn't easy to find us all in the same house. So, as soon as I realized that we would have the opportunity, I made plans for pictures to be taken. As I tried to put together what everyone should wear so that we would coordinate, you were never far from my mind. I couldn't imagine having the pictures taken and not have you somehow included. We want you to know and understand how much you meant to our family before you were even here. You hold a place in each of our hearts as we anticipate your arrival. You are a part of our family and I wanted to find a way to capture that in a way we could share with you someday. So, I had to find something for Macey to wear. I couldn't have found a more precious pair of shoes to mark your place. I'm not sure if your feet will ever fit in these little shoes, but just the idea that they might makes my heart so happy!  When we received the pictures back, naturally we wanted to share them. As we posted them on Facebook, we began receiving questions about the shoes. I wrote the explanation below and thought someday you might like to read it. 

These "little shoes" in our new cover photo have raised some questions, so we thought we would explain. (and btw, thank you for the precious pictures Bridget King Reyes and Mark).

In July of 2012 we started the process to adopt a child from Ethiopia. After months of paperwork and hoop jumping, we were placed on the waiting list in May 2013 at #47 for an infant girl. On the first of each month we receive an update on how many "spots" we've moved up on the list. As of Dec 1, we were #24.
What we are waiting for is a referral, or what some would call a "match". So, we do not know who she is yet, what she looks like, how old she is or what her name is, but God does, and we trust him fully. We do know she will be under 12 months and she will be a "she".
Some of you have heard us call her Macey. This most certainly will not be her birth given name. Whether we will actually change her name will depend on the circumstances at the time. But for us, we needed to give her a name. We did this very early in the process. The purpose was to give her an identity within the family. From that moment, she became very real for not only Justo and I, but for all of our kids and extended family as well. When we talk about her, we always call her by name. Her name gives us something to connect with and serves as a reminder that she is already a part of our family. Macey means "gift from God" and that, she is!
The process is long and unpredictable. We could be waiting several more weeks or several more months. We just don't know, but that really is okay with us. We know and fully believe that in God's timing, our sweet girl will be here.

Just some thoughts

Dear Macey,

  I'm sure someday we will look back at all of the times I called you "Macey" and giggle. Only our Heavenly Father really knows what your name will be, but for my sanity, we had to stop calling you "the baby"! So, for now, we call you Macey.
  It has been a long summer of waiting. We began at #47 on the official waiting list. 5 months later (and not officially) we should be 29 or 30 when the November 1 update is released. The referrals are coming, and the list is moving. It is so encouraging to read about others as they receive that long awaited and prayed for phone call. I know in God's perfect timing, it will be our turn too.
  This summer we took your two oldest brothers (Alex and Peyton) to college. We moved them into their dorms, Alex at FAU and Peyton at UCF. It occured to me that they will have a different relationship with you than Parker and Noel. I suppose I hadn't thought about it before and it saddened me a bit. They will not see you every morning when all start the day. They won't be at home on the weekends when we are hanging out as a family. They won't be home in the evenings to hug goodnight before we all go to bed. It will just be different. and it will be okay. I know this is exactly how God intends it to be, it is just a thought I am trying to get used to. We will be intentional about nurturing your relationship with Alex, Peyton and Rachel as much as possible. As for Noel and Parker, they will be the luckier ones for sure. But either way, I know, with each one you will hold a precious place in their hearts. I know that as you grow, so will their love and addoration of you. I am still blown away that God has chosen us to be a part of that. That he is going to allow us to experience that.... with you!!!
What a gracious, merciful and generous God we serve. I am thankful for the gift of you Macey!

We love you already!
-mommy

Officially waiting for you

Dear Macey,
 After 11 months of paperwork, prayers and patience, we have been given a place on the waiting list. We are relieved to be moving into the next phase of this process. It is a much needed rest from the constant paper chase it has been. Worth every single bit of it, but still, we are happy for a break.  It almost feels like we are running a marathon (not that mom or dad has ever or will ever run one). We started off running strong, trying hard to put the first few miles behind us. Step after step we found ourselves making progress. Now we can settle in to the next few miles at a steady pace moving up the list a little each month. But the beautiful day that we get "that" call, I know God will breathe into us a second wind. He will have us sprinting to the finish line, where you will be waiting for us to wrap you up in our arms and celebrate the end of the race and bring you home forever!

Annise Koops <akoops@adoptionassociates.net>	5/10/13
to me

Hi Justo and Velina,

You are placed at #45 on the wait list. Now the waiting begins! At this point, our best estimate for a time frame is about 12 months before receiving a referral. Please remember this is always an estimate :) 

Can you verify with me again what age, gender, and number of children you desire? We like to confirm that at the time the dossier is mailed.

Warmly,

Annise Koops, LBSW

Africa Team

Butterflies

Dear Macey,
  I know I'm behind on writing. I want so much to keep up with everthing so one day I can share with you the journey that led us to you. But, so many times I feel like I need to have something profound or eloquent to say. I can't find the words to express what is happening right then, so I don't write at all. I know one day I will regret that, so I am just going to tell it ilke it is from now on. If it comes out beautiful, then super, if not, then at least you will know I tried :)
  So, what brings be to write, right now? We are hours away from knowing our official number on the waiting list! Everybit of paperwork, forms, letters, notaries, seals, signatures, recommendations, stamps, money orders and mostly prayers, are behind us! Huge Milestone! This is where our "wait" for you officially begins. It took 8 months and a lot of leg work to get to this point. Everybit of it already worth it, and we haven't even met you, but already we love you.
  Our Dossier was tracked today and it was confirmed that our agency has it now. This means... 1) It cleared the State Department in Washington D.C. with no issues or flaws 2) It cleared the Ethiopian Embassy with no issues or flaws 3) It has made it back to Michigan to our agency. In the next day or two it will be on it's way to Ethiopia. I have butterflies as I wait for the call/email that will mean we start our wait for you. I've never been so excited to have to wait. Not that we want to wait for you, but we know everyday we wait is one day closer to the day we finally get to hold you!
 We love you already Macey!

Next Easter?

Dear Macey,
 It is almost Easter! On Sunday we will celebrate the resurrection of our Savior, Jesus Christ! Easter is the day that we recognize that God raised Jesus from the dead and took Him to reign in heaven forever as our Father. Somewhere in the process of history, we came up with Easter eggs and an Easter Bunny! I guess possibly because Easter is equated with Springtime. I'm not quite sure, but I will research it so I can teach you. Anyhow, as each holiday passes this year, I can't help but wonder, the next time it comes around will you be with us? Next Easter will there be a little easter basket for you? Will the Easter Bunny fill it with goodies and treats for you? Will you be with us so that we can hide a few little eggs for you to find? Maybe you'll be too little for that yet? Will we get to dress you up in an extra pretty dress and put a big bow in your hair? Will you be here, so that we can all go to church together that day? Will we take you next Easter to celebrate the resurrection of the Savior of the world? Will that be the first year we get to tell you about the miracle God performed by rolling the stone away from Jesus's grave and proclaiming that Jesus is ALIVE!! ?  We pray that you will be here. We pray that next Easter you will be waking up here, in your home. Only God knows that answer and we trust him fully to bring you in his time.
 Even still, I am once again checking the mail like a crazy woman. Everytime I open the mailbox I peek in and move the pieces of mail around to see if I see the approval letter. It is the very last peice of paper that we need to move forward with our reuqest for you. One simple piece of paper. It will come, I know. It is so hard waiting sometimes though. I should pray for more patience. I will. The day is coming Macey, that we will get to hold you and kiss your precious face. What a wonderful thought that is!
We love you Macey!

One small step closer

Dear Macey,
 The notice for your brother's appointment finally arrived! Every step we put behind us makes me so extremely happy, and this is no exception. Alex and I will drive to Jacksonville this week to USCIS for his fingerprinting. Just Alex and I will go since Daddy will be working and your other brothers and sister have school. So, when the prints are processed and cleared we should receive the approval for your visa. Once the U.S. approves a visa for you, then we are able to petition the Ethiopian Embassy for your adoption. When our petition is received, their courts will send us your referral. The referral is a file that will contain a picture of you (Oh, how I cannot wait for that!!) your medical records, your families information (if available) your name, birthdate/age and any other information that they may be able to provide about you.
  I have to look back and remind myself how far we have come already. I have to remind myself how this time last year, we didn't even know that the gift of you would be given to us. When I look at it through those eyes, it is very reassuring that we are just about half way there. We are all so very, very excited! So many people ask about you. I don't recall one day since we started this journey to you, that someone hasn't asked about you. It might be a friend, someone from the school, someone at Daddy's work, someone at church. You just wouldn't believe all of the people who are excited for you to get here. It brings me so much joy to think about you being loved by so many people.
We do love you Macey, already!

His love...

Dear Macey,
   Our mailman has never seen so much of me as he has these last couple of weeks. I catch him frequently before he even gets a chance to put the mail in our mailbox. I flip through the pieces, not even noting who they are from or what they are. I am only looking for a pink piece of paper peeking through the envelope window. I know this is the color of the notices that come from USCIS, from the many we have already received. This one will have the date that we can take your brother Alex for his fingerprints.
   Instead of allowing these delays to discourage me, God has given me a peace about them. Though we are anxious to overcome them and move forward each time, I know they are a part of God's timeline. For whatever reason, they (the delays) are what will allow us to find you in His perfect timing. Each setback or obstacle is His way of reminding us that He is in control, not us. He is the author of our story and yours. He will write the lines and assign the roles, and it will be perfect because it is His.
   If we could wrap our minds around how much He loves us, we would be blown away. It is incomprehensible how much He cares for us. Macey, the sequence of events that God put in place to bring You, specifically you, not just any child, but you Macey, home to be with us is nothing less that amazing! I want you to know these things because I want you to know with not a doubt in your mind or heart that God had a plan for you long before you were born. He was busy writing your story before your little heart ever took it's first beat. He had a place and a purpose for you, and that means you are very special.
   I will tell you the story, and I will write the details so that when you are old enough, you will understand. You will know that the God of the Universe loves YOU, adores YOU and longs to walk with YOU everyday of your life. God has done great things for you Macey!  He gave His son's life for you to save you from the sin of the world so that you could spend eternity with Him in heaven. He made a way for you to be forgiven when you make mistakes. He made hope possible for you and made sure that you would never have to feel alone. He will be your best friend and greatest love, all in one!
   
    Where your story meets our story is only the beginning. He has big plans for you and I know He wants to use you in ways that we can not even begin to imagine. I will forever be full of gratitude and awe at the role He is allowing us to play in this. What a magnificent, merciful, gracious God we worship.
  Each day we wait for you, is purposed by Him. I will rest in that until we hold you.
 We love you already!