"Depraved Indifference"

Daydreams

Dear Macey,

There isn't a day that passes that I don't think of you at least 100 times! Somedays I daydream about what you will look like. I think about your eyes, your cheeks, your smile and your little fingers. Somedays I worry that I won't know what to do with your hair (lucky for you we have plenty of friends that have offered lessons). Somedays I wonder if you are even born yet. I try to do the calculations in my head, figuring in the estimated time left in the process and taking into consideration the age that we have request you be (under 12 months). Somedays I wonder if your mother and father will be alive and if so, will we get to meet them. I daydream about rocking you, feeding you, bathing you and dressing you. I daydream about Daddy and I playing with you and helping you learn new things. I daydream about the day Daddy and I will have your dedication at church and what an amazing feeling that will be! I think about your brothers and sisters seeing you for the first time. I think about the tears of joy that will certainly be free flowing that day. I think about them holding you and embracing you into our family. I daydream about Rachel, Alex and Peyton all making a special trip home just to meet you. I think about Parker and Noel helping get things ready in the days just before we bring you home.

Most of all though, I daydream about the day Daddy and I lay our eyes on your precious face for the first time. I play it over and over in my mind and I just can't begin to wrap my head around what that will be like! I think I just might be weak kneed and speechless. I can't wait for that day! It feels so close and still so far.

We love you already!

Distractions...

Dear Macey,

While I knew all along that the process to bring you home would be a long one, I don't think I could have imagined how it would really feel. It seems like we started so long ago but yet we still have so far to travel (and not just in miles).

The process has been moving along gradually since my last post. We completed the enormous undertaking of the homestudy, that in itself was a huge milestone. We applied to the Department of Homeland Security for your orphan visa approval. We left for Jacksonville on Christmas night to make our appointment on Dec.26 to have our fingerprinting completed by USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services). We were then waiting for the approval. On Jan. 24 we received notice from USCIS that they want Alex (who turned 18 just after the homestudy was complete) to be finger printed as well. Now, mind you, we have all been fingerprinted already by the Children's Home Society. This was done in order to complete the homestudy. We were really not expecting to have to take Alex through the USCIS process as well. So, as of right now we are waiting for his appointment date to take him to, yes Jacksonville. Once we have completed that step we will wait for the final approval from them. We have to have this approval before we can send our Dossier to Ethiopia. The Dossier is the bundle of documents, applications and certificates that the Ethiopian Embassy requires to consider/process your adoption request.

We know beyond any doubt that the moment we see your beautiful face in the referral picture, this will all fade away and we will be left with hearts full of you. Until then we will be patient and endure this process. We know there are so many out there going through the same steps we are. We also know tht there are many who will wait years before they bring a child home, and some may never see that dream come true. We are thankful for God's peace in this and we rely soley on Him to see us and you through this.

We love you already!

ORIGINAL POST DATE: July 20, 2012

Progress! Whoop, Whoop!

Dear Macey,

So, it's been a few days. I am going to work on being more consistent with my posts. Anyhow, after a few minor hiccups we are back on track. When we started the adoption process I agonized over which agency to use. But, I was so excited that I didn't do the research I should have and we quickly realized that in my impatience I had not made the best decision. I know as a whole the agency is a reputable one and I know they have led many families on successful journeys to find their forever family. But early on (and I thank God for that) we realized it just wasn't a fit for us. This process is long, trying and can get hairy sometimes; knowing this we just wanted to make sure that the agency we were "married" to through this process was one we felt a connection and comfortable with.

Whew! So, on we go. Starting over with the new agency, we have completed the application process (again!) and that is no small feat. We have selected a home study agency here locally and are well on our way with that process as well. Our application with the adoption agency has moved onto to the dossier stage. This is the part of the process where they put together every possible legal document related to you, your husband, your family and your finances together. This I have been told is a lengthy process in itself. And once we compile the documents here and they are all certified as legal, the file is then sent to Ethiopia and goes through a translation process. So, in the meantime we are beginning the education requirements and learning more and more about the joys, blessings and challenges of international adoption.

We, at some point had to make a final decision on the age of the child we would like to request. This was very difficult. We thought a "3" sounded good, but then what about the years we missed? After praying and seeking professional advice from a family counselor we decided to request a 9-18 month old, still a girl, and still open to any siblings God may have in store for us. This was tough! Did that mean now that we are trying to step on God's toes? What if he intended for us to have a "3"? Then, I know somehow, it will be that we get a "3". Whether it's a sibling or whatever. But as we carefully considered the counselors advice, we decided we want the absolute best possible scenario for our baby, not for us.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" Psalm 37:4

ORIGINAL POST DATE: Thursday, July 5, 2012

Process update

So, it is official! We received a call from the adoption agency this afternoon verifying that our application is in process. Once it is finalized, the next step will be to begin our home study. This is the process by which they look in every nook and cranny of your life to make sure your a fit parent. They will also interview our children to make sure we have a healthy functioning family. Seems to be a lengthy process with an enormous amount of paperwork, but worth every bit of it! We are extremely excited and willing to do whatever it takes!

ORIGINAL POST DATE: 7/5/12 What a waste... Our trip to Kenya was nothing short of life changing. But even beyond that, through it God changed our hearts, our perspective and our vision for the future. Cobwebs that had covered our eyes forever were wiped away by His mighty hands. Every minute of each day there, God was our tour guide, showing us the beauty despite the poverty and brokeness. He taught us there, that love truly is the universal language. We were there 8,000 miles away from what we called home, in a village of approximately 2,000. We were 13 outsiders from a foreign land, but you would have never known. We were welcomed, literally with open arms and open hearts. The people of Kiu, Kenya I know have to be some of the most loving people anywhere on earth. Their love was genuine and abundant, and I quickly learned that I wanted to know how to love strangers like that! After all, isn't that what God calls us to do? Each day we spent in Kenya, God was strategically weaving new desires and dreams in and through mine and my husbands heart. Our love for the Kenyans grew more each day. At times I felt like I had been there loving them for years. But it was the kids that really stole my heart. Each one of them were so beautiful and so precious. Their smiles could light up the night sky and their laughter could warm the coldest heart. It was something I had never experienced before, and I felt God's joy as He watched us learn. Each afternoon we would leave and I was sad. I wanted more time with them, more hugs, more love, more laughs.... It was never enough. The love was growing, getting bigger and bigger and more and more. True love is multiplied not divided, when we give it away. So now what? We have left Kenya and my heart is broken for the children. I never knew what that meant, to have your heart really break for something. God had taught me through them a new level of compassion and unconditional love. Every minute, for days after we left, I kept thinking to myself, "What a waste this new found love is!" "God, what am I suppose to do with all of this? There is no way I can wait a year to return to Kenya, my heart will burst!" So, I prayed. and prayed and prayed for God to show me. "Please show me what to do with this abundance of love!" I've heard the saying, "love isn't love until you give it away" so if I can't give it away, then it's going to die and go to waste. That was my biggest fear, to lose the love we had found in the people there. I knew God would not allow that to happen. I knew He had a plan! "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jer 29:11

ORIGINAL POST DATE: 7/2/12

Hello Friends! 

  We are starting this blog for several reasons. Most importantly, we want to document our timeline as we embark on an amazing journey that God is leading us on. We also want to be able to share our experience with our friends and family, even when we can't update everyone individually. We want others who may be headed on the same journey to be able to gain encouragement and possibly learn from our story. After a lot of prayer, but not a doubt in our mind we are ready to be obedient to what God has in store for us. We are beyond excited that God has chosen to use us! Through adoption, we are going to shower a child; who is one of 4.3 million orphans in ethiopia, with His love.    Our first few blogs will go back in time to reflect on how God lead us to this place in time. It is so amazing to me that His plan is always so perfect and His timing is always right. Even in the times when we just feel like a flounderer, He is using every part of our lives to work for our good and His glory! As many of you know we have recently returned from a medical mission trip to Kenya. We fell in love with the people of Africa, and God used that time there to change both mine and my husbands hearts in a way that we would have never dreamed. Our God is so faithful and He is good, all of the time! We can't wait to share our journey with you. Each step of the way, hardships and heartaches, up and downs, joys and triumphs we want you with us. We promise to be honest and transparent in my blogging and to share our deepest feelings so that the true story can be told as it unfolds! Thank you for reading, we hope that you will continue to follow us, as we follow Him!